Sharing With You My Birth Story

I finally get to share with you my birth story.  It took me longer than expected to get this out to you guys, mainly because I felt I wasn't ready to share what I had experienced. But it's been a year and things have healed, they've gotten better, and I'm okay to talk about it especially if my story can help anybody out there.

The picture above was the last picture I took while pregnant.  I was swollen as ever!  My hands my feet ugh, it was rough.  It all started when I was home relaxing on the couch snacking on some watermelon.  By the way I would crave watermelon like crazy while pregnant.  Then I kept having contractions.  This was the evening of May 29, 2013.  Okay no big deal, contractions.  They were supposed to happen.  Then I started monitoring them with an app that I had on my phone.  I was still okay but the stomach pains did hurt and I did have discomfort.

My main thought was that of my doctor saying as long as you're not bleeding or a gush of water running  down your legs you're ok and if that happens call us immediately.  Ok cool, none of those things are happening so I'm good.  I knew Manny was coming soon, so I took advantage and started packing last minute things into my hospital bag.  Hours had passed and I was ready to take a shower when I realized I was bleeding.  I freaked out.  Is my baby okay? I was worried and frantic.  We called the hospital, I finished showering and we were on our way.

The drive there felt like forever. I was having a lot of contractions and was in pain.  Finally my husband and I checked into the hospital and they monitored my contractions.  Basically what they told me was that I was having steady contractions, I just was not dilating. So they made me walk around the building, mind you this was like at 4 or 5 in the morning and I was sleepy as hell. LOL!  But I walked as much as I could then I came back to the room and took a nap.

So morning came around and I got turned over to another doctor.  She pretty much told me that they were going to have to induce.  I did not want too.  I felt uneasy about the whole thing even the new doctor I got, although she was nice.  I was nervous because I wanted this whole process to just come naturally.  Before they induced me I had the anesthesiologist give me the Epidural.  That thing hurt so bad.  And then the side effects were torture! I was itchy all over my legs.  And just to sum everything up, everything was just a pain and not to mention scary.  But I was praying the whole time and I trusted God. 

Somewhere along the way they gave me pitocin but I only dilated to 6cm.  I had the baby's heart rate monitor on my belly and for some reason I noticed his heart beat was starting to sound faint and the nurse noticed it too, then she kept adjusting it to try to get the heart rate louder, maybe thinking there was something wrong with the monitor.  Well there was nothing wrong with the monitor, MY BABY'S HEART RATE WAS DROPPING.  I was sooo scared.  All of a sudden I see 4-6 nurses and doctors storm into the room.  They gave me an oxygen mask and I started trembling because I was so scared.  I still remember what I was praying as tears were rolling down my eyes.  I prayed, Dear Lord, please don't take this little angel from me.  I know you have a plan and a purpose for him.  And I just kept praying and then I heard that beautiful heart beat loud and strong again.

After the scare I recall a Dr. examining and feeling my belly.  He says what I've been dreading my whole pregnancy.  You're going to have to do an emergency c-section, that is a big baby.  I remember being so sad because I knew recovering from a c-section takes longer, I was going to have a scar, and I would probably be in a lot of pain.  So my doctor and the nurses decide to wait another 30 minutes to see if I would dilate more and I stayed the same.  They put me in another gurney and off to the OR we went.

I was scared the entire time.  They gave my husband a cap, a mask, and scrubs.  He was with me the whole time.  They said I wouldn't feel a thing, but I did.  As soon as the doctor preformed the surgery on me with the scalpel I felt it.  I did not feel the stinging of the cut, but I felt them cutting me.  It's really hard to explain, but that's what happened.  I was crying and telling my husband I could feel it.   I felt tugging and I felt a lot of pain.  I was yelling to my husband over and over "IT HURTS!" According to my husband the anesthesiologist kept giving me more anesthesia.  All of a sudden I hear everyone around go wow and ohhh and whoah along with the most beautiful sound I've ever heard and that was the sound of my son crying.  They showed him to me and there he was all wrinkly with tons of jet black hair weighing in at 8lbs 12oz.  Wow I was carrying a big boy, almost a 9lb baby on this 5'3 small frame body.  I started crying when I saw my son and then it went blank.

As soon as I woke up I realized I passed out.  I saw my husband right by my side and  I finally got to hold my little angel.  He was perfect and I couldn't believe he was all mine.  Our little Emmanuel, God with us.

It took me a while to warm up to Manny.  I guess with everything I went through I was in shock. I remember  after delivering Manny I would cry at night and cry and cry and cry.  I would cry because I felt everything in the csection which was very painful, my body looked distorted, I was in so much pain, and I was sad that I didn't have this beautiful birth experience like many women do along with their husbands.  I was mad because I felt I was fit, active, and I ate healthy my whole pregnancy and it ended in a csection.  I would look back and constantly think what I could of done to prevent having a c-section.  And I just fell into a depression.  There would be a sting of pain when I would hear from other moms who were pregnant around the same time I was talk about  how beautiful and natural and empowering their labor was.  I even had to deal with it when I got back home and the neighbors kids would ask, "Did they cut you open?" asking almost every time I would see them. :/ I went home and yup I cried some more.

It was soooo hard getting over what I went through.  So hard.  Coming out of that depression was not easy and if I didn't have a loving, supportive husband and God on my side I just might have never come out of it.  I came out of it quickly too.  I would go on walks and keep busy and try to stay active as possible.  I would pray and talk to God a lot.  He was my strength at that time I felt soo weak.

I've asked Him plenty of times, "Why God, why did that have to happen to me?" And I've come to this conclusion.  There is a quote that says "Keep your head up.  God gives His hardest battles to his strongest soldiers."  You see, you may not know what God is up to and you might not understand at all what He is doing, but He has a plan a perfect plan.  Yeah what I went through was hard and I feel so strong because of it and I've learned so much going through it.  Maybe I was supposed to go through what I did to eventually be writing this and maybe perhaps someone reading this has gone through the same exact thing and needs to see this.  I'm here to tell you it's okay, you will be okay and you may not see it now but it only gets better.

Hold on and don't allow yourself to get down.  Surround yourself with loving supporting people.  You have a beautiful angel you brought into this world and that's all that matters.  It doesn't matter how.  Everyone has a different story to tell and yours is amazing and unique and like none out there!  Embrace it and be proud of that.

I've included some pictures! Hope you guys enjoy! Manny is getting so big.  We'll be celebrating his 1st bday in less than 2 weeks!!! Time flies!

 And I'm curious are any of you out there went through what I went through?  Please comment and let me know! :)

xoxo,
Marilu

Beautiful flowers from my hubby!

Cute present from my wonderful friend Brooke, her husband, and daughter.

My sweet angel.

His onesie says "Mommy's Angel"  Picked it out perfectly for his coming home outfit. Love the little beanie with the angel wings!

Taking a stroll at the beach.

Oh my sleepy little boy! Mama loves you!